N.P.B.’s

Average People with No Personal Boundaries
By Krystal Klarity
Originally posted June 2007

These (as yet) undiagnosed ‘mentally ill sufferers think of their own lives and experiences as representational of abstract truth for all and then project that onto others, who either ‘comply’ (which makes them good/normal) in the opinion of the one projecting, or they ‘resist.’ (This makes them bad/abnormal)

This is how those suffering from NPB maintain their position, unchanged, immovable and unexamined. It makes them feel good about themselves and they often refer to their own stasis as being ‘well balanced.” That is a very appropriate way to see it I think as it often is quite the balancing act. They are very adept at it as a rule, unless someone seriously challenges that.

The one feature you need to understand if you are the targets of any of these NPB sufferers is this one:
Such individuals will find ALL the faults in you, never themselves, no matter what you say or do, and despite any evidence you may present. They do this to other people by habit or as an auto response, and then deny that the result of their behaviour towards the individual has anything to do with them.

Two of the psychological mechanisms the NPB uses to maintain their pseudo innocence are:
1. The reality reversal or ‘switch’ in which their traits become yours as if by magic and
2. A psychological deafness and blindness to both you and them as everyone really is in reality.

The second one allows them to be unaware of themselves and heir perfectly obvious acting out as well as to unaware of YOUR awareness of them, even if you tell them, point blank, that you can see them and hear them. They don’t know what that means because they ‘interpret’ it to means something that has nothing to do with them! They can then believe that the effects of what they do are the cause. That is how they flip reality around. So you could say, “I am standing right here. I can see you and hear you.” The response you get may only be that they look at each other and then third person you. “She can see us…What’s THAT supposed to mean?” They ask each other but not you.

They don’t know what it means because they have blocked YOUR awareness of them out of their minds and BECAUSE they have, they have also blocked their own awareness of the real you out as well.

So, with NPB sufferers, asking them WHAT they are doing, or telling them WHO you are, makes no sense to them. That is because the false premise they are using and upon which they are basing their judgments, makes ‘reality’ appear to be something very different to THEM.
If you have good personal boundaries and you deal with NPB people it becomes like speaking tow completely different languages, even though you are both using the same WORDS.

That’s why many of the psychiatrized will say they feel like they are from another planet. I can relate to that completely. It is much like we are dealing with aliens or the Alien Nation, or perhaps in a more down to earth sense, the alienation. Psychosis also by the way tends to tell the truth in a more symbolic form. As we know, it comes from the same place as our dreams or nightmares so why wouldn’t’ it? It always amazes me that though psychiatrists know about dream imagery and read things like ‘The Interpretation of Dreams’, as part of their training (often rubbing their chins and trying to look profound while they do) the same people will glibly declare the altered state to be ‘meaningless.’ That has been one of the real head-scratchers for me in all of this.

That ‘alienation’ has been manufactured through the use of the ‘them’ and ‘us’ split premise, upon which all further evaluations and then judgements are then based. When I am the one with the greater awareness and yet I am judged to have the lesser awareness, The effect on me is like being caught in the Twilight Zone, Wonderland, Oz, or trapped in the Mirror of life, or a circle, that repeats over and over like ‘Ground Hog Day (the movie, not the day that Wiarton Willie pokes his head out) or any of the other metaphors we must use either consciously, or without any control at all, to explain to those who cannot see, something we can only describe in other terms. NPB people regularly flip reality around in order to maintain their OWN delusions. This is actually a very simple problem that is complicated by the masses in their race to get away from the truth they don’t like.

Here is another one for you. It is like trying to break through an invisible wall which those who BELIEVE they are more aware, when in fact they are less aware, have erected together in order to make certain that they NEVER have to see the truth about themselves. This wall is a psycho-spiritual wall of impenetrable words.

So when we who are psychiatrized try to deal with that, and with the NPB’ers, the first thing we need to recognize is WHAT they are doing and WHY. Next, we need to know we cannot ask them direct questions like, “Why are you doing this to me”? Because they have no real idea what ‘this’ is and less idea about what they are really doing. The only know what they ‘think’ they are doing.
We also can’t just ignore them because they won’t stop if we do. They conclude in their ongoing arrogance that we must be ‘too stupid’ or unconscious or crazy to see them or understand them. If you think about that, you can see how self serving that is, and WHY they ‘think’ that way. It bolsters their belief system to do so. Projecting their own faults onto someone else is their ‘fix’. Then they will turn that around too and claim we are the ones ‘blaming others’ (meaning them) which we in fact are doing and for good reason. But they will convince others that they are innocent and you are guilty. It is much like that childhood routine in which one child says, ‘No YOU!’ And the other says back, “No YOU! Or it’s like the childish game in which you say something about what the other is doing, and the other repeats it back until you get tired and just give up trying to talk to them anymore. Except that this version of the childish game is done by adults, including psychiatrists. So, they aren’t going to give this up without a fight. This is the only way they know how to cope and still feel good about themselves and they are not anxious to learn any new skills and won’t be for as long as they can convince themselves that this old way is working just fine. Therefore, we are going to have to show them that it is NOT working fine and not only THAT but we are going to have to show them that is costing THEM something and not just ‘us.’ That is part of removing the ‘them and us’ split that keeps this going. If it costs EVERYONE, not just a group called “them’’ then people tend to see we need to have the same goal for which we aim.

So, In my opinion, what we need to do is to is mirror it all back, exposing the perfectly obvious (I know that SOUNDS like an oxymoron but it isn’t really) until it finally dawns on our judges that they are neither ‘hidden’ nor ‘superior.’

We need to bombard them with DETAILS; loads and loads of perfectly obvious details. For example like saying: “Now you are telling yourself that I don’t understand you. Now you are angry because you realize that I can see you as you really are. Now you will need to find some more faults in me to justify yourself, perhaps by telling yourself I should have TOLD you I can see you, as if I were the one who was trying to ‘fool’ YOU,” etc.

Better still, ‘third person’ them. Get together with another psychiatrized person and announce it all between the two of you like so: “Now SHE will blame me while also claiming that ‘blaming others’ (as abstract truth) is wrong. Now she will lower her eyes and talk out of the side of her mouth, believing herself to be somehow hidden from me because she does.” (then the two of you look at each other and laugh or smirk and try to make your eyes glow with amusement while you do it) “Now she’s pissed off at me for knowing but now she’s going to pretend she isn’t pissed off and then put on this big phony saccharine smile for me and use her chirpy voice in an attempt to cover it all up. (Don’t forget to fold your arms and strike the observation pose as you do this mirroring act.)

If the person you are mirroring asks you if you are talking about her (or him) of course you must deny it. Instead, so as they often do and answer their question with another question such as, “What makes you ask that?” That often works quite well too.

You won’t have to do this for long with most individuals suffering from NPB, as what they all fear most is exposure of what they want to believe is well ‘hidden.’ So give it a try with a pal and see if it doesn’t change the way YOU get treated. You might also teach this mirror technique to other psychiatrized people who are also putting up with the NPB’s acting out all day.

ON CA

Are all Psychiatrists “Nefarious”?

I think the majority of psychiatrists would find such a comment strange, puzzling and even absurd. They don’t see THEMSELVES that way at all. The key to understanding why there is so much resentment and resistance on BOTH sides of the psychiatrist/psychiatrized relationship is in understanding that this is more about BELIEFS than reality.

Most psychiatrists really and genuinely believe that they are doing good in the same way that many religions believe that when they proselytize for their faith by going forth and aggressively try to ‘save those heathen,’ they too are doing ‘good.’ There is nothing harder to penetrate than blind faith because it is not based on logic but on emotional passion and certainty with a sense of true conviction. I cannot tell the priests of the Faith that their religion is ‘evil’ and expect that they are going to accept that, let alone be moved to change by it. It is not going to cause them to listen to me. They already know from their own ‘Bible,’ which the psychiatric prophets who came before them have written, that ‘we’ are the ones who are the ‘deniers’ and that they should even expect us to try to turn this around (project it) on them, in an attempt to get them to doubt their faith. The ‘fact’ that we will do so is already in their Bible and was there before those of us new to the game had even begun to become aware of it. It was already prophesied. Nothing confirms anyone’s faith like a prophecy shown to be made manifest in concrete reality does it? So there we all are, reinforcing their beliefs for them by doing what has been faithfully and accurately predicted!

So, when we say they are ‘evil’ or anything even closely related to the idea, all the majority of them hear in that is another ‘sign’ sent by their God on Psychiatric Mount Olympus at the World Psychiatric Association, showing how the heathen, like you and I, have been sent to test their faith!




What psychiatry (as a system) reminds me of most of all is a religion based cult, which is why I use this analogy. It fits so nicely. Like talking to any cult members anywhere, I cannot talk to them directly using logic, nor can I make the grave error of directly attacking their faith without expecting them to be insulted and righteously indignant about it. It is not about logic, and attacking their faith only ‘proves’ to them how right they are since any attack has already been prophesied.

I have had eight psychiatrists involved one way or another, in my own case. As I have written elsewhere, there are several of them I have actually liked, as human beings, on a personal level. I don’t believe for one minute, even NOW, after all this time has passed, that they would knowingly and intentionally set out to harm me or anyone else. The key word in that though is ‘knowingly.’ The FACT is, they HAVE harmed me, and others, whether they WANT to know that or not. I want them to know that. I want them to DEAL with that and they won’t deal with it if they don’t see it. So that is why I am now an anti-psychiatry, or critical psychiatry, activist. (Those words used to describe me though have different meaning to different people) A lot of people don’t like that one bit. For these psychiatrists that I know to have good intentions, I still hold out hope, despite the amount of time that has passed while I try to penetrate this. For some of the others I have no hope at all, as I know they are not interested in being told by me, or anyone else, that they are ever wrong about anything.

What any cult, or cult-like organization has, that keeps it going, is a well established CLOSED system. In other words, all objections to the system are defined beforehand as faults in those who dare to find faults in the system. As a whole, the system is profoundly defensive. It has rolled itself into the fetal position and it is not moving out of the womb despite the cramps that just won’t quit. Its mission is not going to be aborted without a fight. It is trying to save its own life, despite the fact that it has two heads, and it can’t hear a damned thing, other than the trip it is on which it mistakes for reality. The urge to live and to be, however challenged, is a very strong one. We are going to have to find a way to show it that its real problem is its drug addiction. We hare going to have to coax it out of the womb and help it though its drug and power withdrawal. It’s not going to be pretty.

Meanwhile, the psychiatric patient’s perception of being trapped, or caught in a circle, is an accurate way, despite the pressure from all the community naysayers and those defensive of the only God they have ever known.
I as a former patient I understand this BETTER than those who have not, so far, been in the patient role themselves. Experience is a great teacher, even if what gets taught is not all that great to have to learn. Trying to explain it to people who deny the reality of the experience though, is very time consuming, repetitive and often just plain exhausting. They call it our ‘obsession’ quite frequently, but what it really is, is a reaction to THEIR obsession which we would not likely care to bother fighting except for the fact that THEY have power and control over us and we do not have power and control over ourselves.

So as many say, there is very little difference between the psychiatrist and the psychiatrized but that little difference that does exist changes our world profoundly.
It is against THAT which we fight because it is that which removes the right of the individual to just BE who we really are, even if we have never harmed another person in our lives, any more than those who are considered to be normal have done, and often even less. Even if we never would, we are expected to find some way to ‘prove’ that, even though doing so is impossible, for us or for anyone else. There is no other group of people who are required to be able to ‘prove’ who they are, and even who they are going to become in the future, in order to be left alone in peace in the present.

The expectation that we should be able to do so defies all logic. Logic has nothing to do with it. The system is about soothing the unacknowledged and unresolved fears of the masses by containing and controlling potentially, perceived threats to the collective understanding, or, more often, the LACK of it.


ONca

A Common Trigger

By Krystal Klarity


One of the most common triggers for a ‘schizophrenic’ reaction is this psychological premise which is actually a mutual delusional reversal:
1. The individual in the relationship with LESS awareness, projects that onto the other,
and
2. The individual with the greater awareness projects that onto the other as well. Two delusional beliefs, projected in opposite directions, at the same time.

Both parties fail to understand what is really going on in both self and other, as both parties are making their judgments based on false premises; opposing false premises.
I took on the role of the second one in my own breakdown which was based on previous relationships with others in very similar circumstances. I was aware of the similarity and the familiarity of it all, even though there were a couple of points I had yet to understand about this relationship dynamic. Though my own protagonist(s) still believes he understands more, when in fact, he (they) understand less, I am no longer confused by what is going on in his head, or in the heads of the others he has involved. ( huge group) since I am no longer projecting my own level of understanding onto him or the rest of them.

I was once sure though that not only was HE fully aware of what he was doing (and he DOES know in a more limited way than I thought) but so, I believed, did all the people he involved know exactly what they were doing; ALL of them. I was once quite sure they were trying to drive me insane on purpose. Though SOME of them have, in fact, been quite vicious, and others very smug and ‘amused’, the majority, I suspect, really have no idea what has actually happened here, yet most of them still like to believe that they do.

So, those ones are still acting it out for me every day, unaware of how perfectly obvious, and yes, now idiotic) they look to me.

A lot of psychiatrically labeled people, experiencing the same sort of thing, have told me,
“I KNEW what my attacker was doing but what the hell was, and is, is going on with everybody else?”

I know exactly what such people mean when they pose that kind of question. Observing, what often becomes a mob, putting on an in-your-face performance every day, often including extremely emotional and bizarre outbursts that make no sense at all in relation to your actual life, is probably one of the most disconcerting experiences that you can imagine. It makes no sense.
Such statements from me, or from those like me, only convince those who are projecting their own lack of awareness onto us that we are, ‘having trouble making sense of things.’ The assumption on their part, is that the ‘things’ (usually generalized)we are having trouble understanding actually DO make sense, and that the problem must be in what we ‘lack’ which would allow us to make sense of these sensible ‘things.” Otherwise, it may be they who are ‘lacking’ and they don’t want to believe that for a minute, since they consider themselves to be ‘normal’ and, in fact, fear the ‘mental illness’ they have fabricated as the means to explain it all away.
Fear is a huge factor in this, on both sides of the judgements. However, the effects on the individual being judged and assessed constantly by this group/mob that gets involved should be pretty obvious. Yet it isn’t; and it isn’t because of the pre-judgments about an imaginary inherent ‘difference.’

Ironically, I think there may BE a bio-chemical component to psychosis but not the way it is presumed to exist. If anyone, in a constant state of hyper awareness and fear, in any situation, stays focused on the flight or fight response without resolution in either direction, pumping out an endless supply of epinephrine, what effect do you think that may have on body chemistry, scientifically speaking?
I remember reading at one point, in some article on the topic, that ‘dopamine is thought to be an attempt by the body to rebalance itself in cases of shock syndrome.’
Let’s think about that in relation to psychic trauma then. (PTSD) just for a minute and then let’s think about psychiatry’s ‘solution’ which is based on blocking dopamine receptors since the assumption is the CAUSE of the problem is too much dopamine. What id that is not the cause but the effect?
Does that seem like it may be backwards to anyone other than me?

Remember that the premise for judgment on this is that these group incidents DO NOT occur as they are reported by the individual on the receiving end of them. It is claimed that the individual only ‘thinks’ they do. So all the judgements about it form everyone else are based on the premise (or starting point) of the problem, as it is perceived to be by those who are doing all the judging, much of it ‘covertly’ as a group. They then treat the individual ‘as if’ their ‘covert’ assessments and judgments were reality. Since their judgments are NOT reality, the individual being judged by them can make no sense of their group behaviour.

Now add to that the blindness it creates in those acting out those ‘in-your-face’ performances. The first thing most of them believe (excluding of course the loud mouthed bullies who get their jollies abusing people whenever they think they can get away with it) is the belief that the individual they are hissing at from a few feet away, has no idea what the group members are doing. The group members believe this even though they are perfectly obvious.
Why do they believe that?

It is because they have been taught that people they perceive as ‘mentally ill’ are all stupid and/or unaware, and therefore have no idea what is going on around them. The masses involved do not logically connect the statement made to them by the individual, about WHAT they are doing, with the FACT that they are doing it.

They do not identify themselves as ‘the people’ who are doing the talking about us, and insulting us because they believe they are our ‘superiors’ and therefore, they cannot be understood by us. They also don’t identify themselves as ‘the people’ we are complaining about because they have ‘internalized’ psychiatry’s belief system. Psychiatry believes that if we ‘think’ people we don’t even know are talking about us, which must be a flaw in us, since it is never just accepted as a FACT. The majority of people are followers, though few like to think of themselves that way. They believe what experts and leaders tell them to believe. I think this is partly about honouring the parents without question. This is a standard dysfunctional direction and when we take that training out into the world at large, the leaders and experts become our surrogate parents who must be ‘’respected’ in all they say and do. Very few people in my experience can get out of the programming well enough to get past that to a state of equality with other adults.

Believing in such things as the leaders and experts, who can’t be questioned, gives such people a sense of ‘belonging’ and is also pseudo-social. It gives them something else too. It gives them a ‘legitimate’, politically sanctioned outlet for suppressed emotions like fear, anger, contempt and disdain.
Psychiatric diagnoses of individuals often provide a pressure valve for release of emotion from all other people involved. If they can focus exclusively on an external problem (or individual) no personal introspection is necessary. Many, many people, including psychiatrists fear introspection. They are afraid of what they might find out about themselves if they look too closely.

So, since the denial of the group allows them to completely disconnect themselves form the horrifying experience by thinking of themselves as ‘outside’ it, they take the opportunity to do just that.

The individual (often the target of observation) who is MORE aware, not less aware, sees it all with crystal clarity, but is told the ‘perception problem (and there IS one) is his or hers. Therefore the individual is just having the ‘wrong’ emotional reaction, to nothing at all really, and it must be this emotional reaction and the perception problem that has caused it that needs ‘correcting.’ So goes the anti logic of groupthink and psychiatrization

Everyone else’s aggression (misnamed ‘assertion’) is therefore justified the isn’t it? After all, they are only trying to ‘help’ this poor confused person. You can’t deny the ‘confusion’ exists now can you? So really then ‘nothing’ has happened to me. I only ‘think’ that it has because I am crazy. There you have the infinite loop that has been made escape proof. They only way OUT of it is to BE out of it. It is almost impossible to see from INSIDE the system. We can only see the whole picture of anything from outside whatever system we are observing. Otherwise we fail to observe what we cannot see because we ARE the blind spot preventing us from seeing it.

So after this snare of words has been closed upon us, what we get is, “here you are dear, you poor sick thing you, here is a little something to reduce your awareness for you. Now be a good compliant little mental case and show us you are serious about getting well” (meaning give up hope of any real resolution and accept being tranquilized so you won’t be showing us any emotions we can’t handle) These are the tranquilizers being offered to the ‘senseless’ animal who ‘claims’ she is being backed into a psych-spiritual corner. Of course, psychiatrists have heard this same complaint many times before and that is now part of the problem too. The statements which are accurate descriptions of how it feels to be n the receiving end of this are HEARD by them as yet another ‘sign’ supposedly proving how right they are to understand the one making the statement just the way they do. Psychiatrists are as programmed to hear all of this as any cult member who is programmed in a similar fashion. Of course, LIKE cult members, they don’t believe they are programmed either or that there is anything wrong with their own reasoning.

“I am doing this for your own good,” they tell me and the same to everyone like me. You know what though? It does not feel ‘good’ to a whole lot of us. Isn’t aggression most often justified by the claim that it is for the other’s ‘good’?

With any luck and a lot of pressure applied, perhaps those with all the power and control will be able to convince me that I just ‘imagined’ the whole event. It was rumoured in my own fascinating case that this is exactly what they hoped they would be able to accomplish.
Failing that, perhaps they will b able to get me to ‘give it up’ (as some of the mob involved have announced at me from a few feet way) and the day will come when I will dutifully repeat my programming back to my programmers embracing it as my new ‘reality.’ But somehow, I don’t think so. I expect I will remain a difficult, non compliant, resistant case for them. For you see, I did not, and have not ‘accepted myself as ‘sick’ in the bio chemical sense of the word. I do ‘admit’ I was made very il though. My illness was psycho spiritual and it was connected to the thinking and behaviour of a large group of ‘others’ who can never admit they are to blame for anything. Of course, another part of my ‘sickness’ according to the same people, is that ‘we’ don’t believe we are ‘sick. That is because (they tell us) that we ‘have no insight into our own sickness.” Yet from my point of view, I see some who have no insight into their own need to see sickness everywhere instead of abuse of power and political control.

Still, I am sure if the day finally comes when I accept myself as inherently defective, psychiatry will be ever so proud of me and will welcome me at last, with open arms, into the fold. However, this is not really the sort of sheep pen into which I had hoped to be enfolded. So I think maybe I had better stick with my ‘delusions’.’

I am no longer projecting my own awareness onto the group. As a result of that, I have a much clearer view of them and who they really are. The correct answer is often the simplest one; the obvious one. Maybe we all need to just tell our judges:
“I can see you and hear you. You are only four feet away. Our human eyes and ears work very well at that distance, just like your own. Did you not know that?”
Maybe if I keep talking LONG enough and detailed enough, the group will finally wake up to itself. Do you think that could happen, or am I just being delusional about that too?

Disempowering the Aggressor

Originally posted in May 2006

By Krystal Klarity

Understand the aggressor’s goal.
The true goal of the aggressor, who wants to dominate others, is his/her self justification. That is also his/her premise or starting point from the moment he/she starts to relate to you. If you keep looking for reason or logic in what he /she says to you, you will get sucked into his/her ‘game’ without understanding that it is happening or why it is happening.
(For the sake of ease of writing, or reading this, I will use either he OR she when referring to the aggressor from here on. He/she is kind of a pain to write ‘and/or’ read I think.)

So, for the aggressor, the beginning and the end of what passes for ‘reasoning’ rests on the same point. That makes his self delusion, his grandiosity, and an infinite loop. He is the “Alpha and Omega’ unto himself, and he keeps himself safely enclosed (hidden, in HIS mind) within that circle of anti logic he has created for himself for just that purpose.

(This is not to be confused with the ‘Alpha and the Omega’ of peace and harmony for that is the opposite infinite loop and this is but a pale imitation of the real thing. The real thing is based on equality of being; not just domination of others. Frequently though, the aggressor will try to convince others that he is of the same spirit; a god or god-like being. Nothing could be further from the truth but the domination types are often very good con artists.

Logic, or reason, won’t penetrate this infinite loop of irrationality in the aggressor. To make it clear that this is not a loop of logical thought, I prefer to call this one a loop of anti-logic. It often sounds very much the same but it isn’t, and what makes it different is the position in which the aggressor places HIMSELF.

She (the aggressor) sees herself as the ‘superior’ mind and everyone else as ‘beneath’ her. She then thinks, talks, reacts and behaves ‘as if’ that false premise was the truth. She WANTS it to BE the truth, so everything she says and does is focused on making her own delusion a ‘reality’ for others.

Ass you know, logic will not penetrate illogic. They exist in opposite spheres and run in opposite directions much like matter and anti-matter. The emotional responses of anyone else who interacts with an aggressor will not penetrate the aggressor’s idea of herself either. She sees the other’s responses as irrelevant or else just the other person’s problem or ‘defectiveness,’ having nothing at all to do with her.

The ONLY thing that will penetrate this mind set is exposure. The aggressor must be (psycho-spiritually speaking) stripped naked’ in public so that his ‘hidden’ agenda and petty self serving little goal will no longer be ‘hidden’ to HIM.

The best way to do that is by explaining him and his agenda to HIM preferably with an audience of witnesses to it so that he cannot keep it ‘secret’ or alter the conversation for others in any way.

This has to be done in excruciatingly pedantic detail or it won’t penetrate the primary delusion which is running him. In other words, hold up a psycho-spiritual mirror to him so he can see himself as clearly as you do. He does not KNOW his goal is visible. (I personally had a very hard time wrapping my mind around that truth) He believes it is all ‘hidden’ and he is proving his ‘superiority’ to himself by doing what he is doing.

So pull back ‘the curtain’ behind which he believes he is ‘hiding’ in the ‘stage’ of his life, and let him know that he is a very bad actor.

That’s the only way he is going to b motivated to give up his act. Stop trying to explain yourself to the aggressor and start explaining HIM to him. He will stop targeting you, and/or he will leave, even if the only reason is because he is afraid of the exposure of his methods that will cause him to lose his power.

Don’t try to appeal to his conscience since chances are he doesn’t have one, and trying to do so is just a waste of your time and energy. Instead, shift the focus OFF of you as his victim and onto HIM, as the aggressor and the one with the problem, then offer your assessment of him until he is moved to give up his domination goal. Don’t be afraid to call it just what it is. Don’t get sucked into his game and start explaining YOURSELF, or using reason with him as reason has nothing to do with it Don’t ask him for anything and don’t ask him WHY he is doing it to you as he won’t tell you ‘why.” You tell HIM why. Like this: ‘Now you will tell me that the problem is in me because keeping me thinking about what you are doing is part of your game.” You can also make “I” statements such as: “I am not impressed by this manipulation.” You may have to state specifically WHAT manipulations he is trying to use on you. Is it financial? Emotional? Psychological? Threats etc.? Name them. Focus on revealing your awareness of HIM. Telling him you are doing this even though you are pretty sure he won’t stop or even admit to it, you just wanted him to know you can see him for what he is and you are not impressed by what you see. Keep in mind that while he is doing this to you, he is most likely telling other people some different version of the same reality so the faster you expose this openly, the better. Once a lot of people start involving themselves I this, it is harder to get it contained and harder to get the truth out because of all the extra input. You will also need to let him know you are aware of the different versions of reality with which he is supplying others in order to try to keep control.

If he still doesn’t stop, then start ‘assessing and evaluating’ HIM and his goals and make sure there are some witnesses to it. Remember that these aggressor are looking for someone who will co-operate (or at least be confused by) his agenda by playing the assigned role of his victim, So, though no one ‘chooses’ to be a victim’ as seems to be a popular idea in today’s modern folklore, you Can chose to BE the kind of victim the aggressor will wish to hell he had never chosen for himself in the first place. Don’t let anyone tell you that you “chose to be a victim.’ Victims don’t ‘choose’ to be victims; aggressors choose to victimize people and that is where the focus should be placed; on the aggressor’s psychological problems where it belongs.
So you can’t help what is doe to you but you can change the way you deal with what is being done to you and you can change the KIND of victim you are going to be. You do that by not reacting in ways that he expects you to react. Instead you keep shifting the focus back onto him and his agenda, in a way that will make him very uncomfortable and anxious to get as far away from you as he can.



No violence or threats of violence need to come from you; only exposure of the agenda. You won’t even have to raise your voice. Just expose, expose, expose in as much DETAIL as you can. Get the focus off of you and your reactions to the aggressor and ONTO the aggressor and his agenda. Assess the crap out of the domination type’s weaknesses, motivations and ultimate goal and don’t hold any thought back. Be casual about it all. Let your boredom with it all shine through and stop worrying about how the aggressor is going to feel if you speak the truth about him/her out in the open in return for his focus on you. Be sure to include the roles of the group members he involved including WHY he involved them. In other words, reveal the whole loop of his anti-logic from start to finish.

It is also helpful to use the same type jargon (psychiatric or otherwise) on the aggressor as he (and often his supporters use to define you. But be aware also that that MAY get you a new psychiatric label, usually ‘Borderline” as above all else, the manipulators hate to see their own manipulations handed right back to them. Let him, and everyone else know that you see his goal of domination is based on his self delusion, and that this is his starting point in what passes for ‘reasoning.’ Also let him know that you see his blindness to himself AND you as ludicrously obvious and really very pathetic. It is a sort of inferiority complex ‘overkill’ type thing.

Tell him that we who are on the receiving end of this comedy of errors aren’t laughing because we are ‘insane” and therefore we “laugh for no reason.” We laugh because HE is insane and has no idea that this is the case.

The aggressor’s ‘hidden’ agenda of domination is absurdly stupid, often to the point that his victim can’t accept that he or the group that supports such ridiculous nonsense could possibly BE that stupid, or that blind to what he is doing. It is beyond all reason. Nevertheless, As the victim of it, you MUST recognize that they ARE that blind to it, and that more often than not, it is the victim who actually understands it the best, even while being thought of as ‘inferior’ to almost everyone.

It is important to the healing process and future well being of the victim that this is understood. The enmeshed psychology of this relationship must be broken so that the victim can regain a detached perspective on it, even if the aggressor never budges an inch. Once done it is possible for these new personal boundaries to remain intact and stabilized with the new found understanding and better coping skills. It does not mean the aggressor is going to change but the victim is going to be able to deal with the aggressor, as is, in a whole new way.

For more information, please also see this link to the bullying article on MSNBC.

Office bullying a widespread problem

Up to 30 percent of employees affected; stress felt throughout workplace
The office bully has an array of weapons at his disposal, ranging from the subtle silent treatment to not-so-subtle verbal ridicule, the effects of which can ripple through the workplace.